Stuff I need to do today:

-Finish this cup of coffee it went cold and I poured it out
-Finish that load of laundry (that I started yesterday)
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bought non-candy treats instead ‘cause I’m mean
-Get Rosco a costume The freakin’ costume I got at Party City does NOT fit toddlers regardless of what it says, so it has to go back.
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-Eat Halloween candy see above
-Do something about dinner (*shrugs*)
-Take a Christmas card picture of Rosco
-Tweak blog without deleting it (again)
-Catch up on freelance stuff (assuming kid allows such)

Will be back later to update.

Posted by Tiffany on 10/18 at 11:01 AM
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I succumbed.

I really don’t want to fill up my iPhone with games for Rosco.  Doing so would guarantee that I would actually never be able to use the phone for its intended purpose: playing with Facebook for iPhone.

I did go ahead and upgrade to the full version of the iWrite Words game I talked about a couple of weeks ago.  I think it does boost letter recognition, and since the words are random you know the kid is learning and not memorizing.

Maybe we should get the kid an iPod Touch so I can have my phone back.

Posted by Tiffany on 10/17 at 11:33 AM
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meeska mooska…

The last time I went to Disney it was at Animal Kingdom and I was about five months pregnant with Rosco.  It was a zillion degrees outside and I was a veritable bee-yotch (justifiably so, no?).  Prior that, the only other time I’d been was when I was in kindergarten.  So, my Disney experience isn’t exactly expansive.

Now that Rosco is creeping up on three, we figured it’d be a good age to take him before we have to wait until a second child is old enough to enjoy it.  So, the timing is good and I think Rosco would really enjoy it.

We’ve got a couple of options - we can do the parks, or we can take a cruise.  I love the idea of a cruise, but my only apprehension is Scott’s height and whether he’d whack himself on the ceilings onboard.  It would also be R’s first journey out of the country so we’d have to deal with all that passport garbage.

If we do the parks, we get more bang for the buck, but we could always do the park thing, you know?

I’m about to watch the cruise DVD to see which way I lean.

Posted by Tiffany on 10/16 at 05:23 PM
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Can’t hang.

I’m a night owl.  Always have been.

The problem is that Rosco goes to bed at around 8 and gets up around 8.  Eight is not a good hour for night owls.  Eleven or twelve would be more to my liking.  I’m struggling to even type this right now.

Thing is, I know you have to make changes when you become a parent and all, but my body clock is specifically programmed for me to be smartest and most efficient between 8 pm and 10 pm.  I try to go to bed at a reasonable hour on some nights and end up laying there for two hours tossing and turning (such as last night).  The only thing that keeps me in bed is the fact that I chart temperatures and need at least three hours of sleep for a reliable reading (that’ll make no sense to 75% of you).

I’m really not productive until an hour after I’ve had my coffee in the morning.  Even then I’m easily distracted.  I think I need to reboot my body clock.  This is ridiculous and I’m exhausted.

Posted by Tiffany on 10/16 at 10:00 AM
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Productivity Killerz.

I really want to up my productivity at home.  I hate to sound like a broken record, but because I freelance I only get paid for the work I actually turn in.  I really want to sock away some money so we can go to Disney comfortably in the spring (fly or drive? don’t know), but I’ve got a couple of things working against me.  Cute things, but productivity killers all the same:

1) The cat that lives on my desk and presses my keyboard buttons:

2) The Rosco that is bringing all his toys into my office and narrating every action he makes.  I know he loves me, but I think he would love Disney even more:

And since I took that picture he dumped that bucket of blocks on the floor.  I guarantee that in the next three minutes he’ll be asking me to build him something.

My grandmother’s response would have been “G’wan somewhere!  Go outside!” but I can’t use that because Rosco doesn’t have an older sibling to

keep an eye on him.

Posted by Tiffany on 10/15 at 10:55 AM
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Eek.

So, I’m writing an article about human participation in clinical studies and lookie what I found:

(Click to enlarge.)

So….....I guess this would require you to not be around people for the duration?  I wonder if they’ll at least allow you the use of mouthwash to ward off that stink.  I can imagine just how grimy your teeth would be.  *shudders*

Posted by Tiffany on 10/14 at 04:39 PM
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This is your unofficial eviction notice.

I’m seriously about to boot Scott out of the home office and claim it for myself.  The cable modem is set up in there with the wireless router.  So, while his computer is connected directly to the stable modem, my desktop computer (set up in my office née the living room), uses the wireless connection.

It’s the shittiest wireless connection ever and more than once I’ve wanted to go back there and kick the crap out of the router.  The connection drops at least once every fifteen minutes causing me to have to “repair” it through Windows.  Major PIA when I’m trying to research online or submit articles.  I’ve lost entire documents copied into web forms because of my frequently-dropped connection.

Scott only uses the home office to store sneakers and Star Wars crap, anyway, so I think I’m justified in claiming it.  He probably wouldn’t agree, but we’ve got to fix this.  This can and will drive me insane.

So - three options.  1) I take over the office.  2) We get a new wireless router and hope it doesn’t suck as much as the current one.  3) We run a super-long cord from the modem to my PC way out here and try to figure out where to stuff it so people don’t trip.

Posted by Tiffany on 10/14 at 02:10 PM
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Invisible like ninja.

You remember some time ago when I told you about how my neighbor was due the same date as me?  Well, I’ve been purposefully avoiding her because, honestly, I don’t want to have to look at her baby and I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable about not addressing the fact that I had a miscarriage.

Anyway, I was at Harris Teeter today because I was going to mess around with the Coinstar machine, and guess who approaches from the opposite entrance with both kids in tow?  Yep.  I had to slink out by the pumpkins until she was well inside the store, then I quickly used the machine, hustled to the customer service desk (as fast as one can hustle with a kid in a grocery cart), and zipped out as she was getting into the U-Scan line.

This may seem petty for some people, but my well-developed sense of self-preservation has taught me to avoid awkward interactions.  Basically: don’t put yourself in situations that will require you to call a therapist afterwards.

Posted by Tiffany on 10/14 at 10:51 AM
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CYA.

I’m too old to have butt-crack exposed.  I wear low-rise jeans because they fit my shape better (I have a short torso…ok, a short everything), and can’t stand it when my shirt isn’t long enough to cover the crack between the hem of my top and my waistband.

I don’t tuck my shirts in.  I’ve never been a tucker, and besides, you know that little flap of skin that doesn’t go away after you have a baby?  Well, yeah.  That shows when I tuck, so I don’t.  Sometimes I resort to wearing button-up shirts for little boys.  They’re adequately baggy and long enough to tuck (if that had been my desire).

It’s hard for me to find casual women’s shirts that are long enough that they won’t ride up when I stoop over or don’t look “old lady” (no offense to any self-proclaimed old ladies out there).  I was turned on to Shade a few months ago by a local mom, but I hate having to order stuff on the internets and pay shipping (especially when the sizing is questionable).

But, guess what I found at Gap?

A shirt long enough to cover my ass.  I hope this is the new trend, ‘cause I’m sick of drafts.

Posted by Tiffany on 10/13 at 01:08 PM
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Jealousy not necessary.

Since I get a goodly amount of criticism about my weight, I thought I’d publish a tutorial on how you can be skinny just like me.  (*rolls eyes*)

Step 1: Be born with the metabolism of the Energizer Bunny.
Step 2: Have no appetite whatsoever unless you’re sick, pregnant, or PMSing.
Step 3: Be too busy to eat during the day.
Step 4: Carry around a child who weighs at least 1/3 of your total weight for much of the day.  It’ll help you build muscle.
Step 5: “Drink” sugar in moderation.  Soda and booze is like insta-5 pounds.
Step 6: Don’t eat that.
Step 7: Don’t cook anything that will make your house stink.  This generally covers anything that requires deep-frying.  Deep-frying = fat ass.
Step 8: Save the butter for baking, and then only bake when you want to tease your Facebook friends with pictures of the output.
Step 9: Never sit down.
Step 10: Do your cardio.  Turn on your radio and dance to anything that is greater than 168 BPM (“beats per minute” for all you non-music geeks).  Hold glow sticks if you want to pretend you’re in a club.  Ideally, do this before your husband comes home because if he sees you he’ll think you’ve gone crackhead.

You’re welcome.

Posted by Tiffany on 10/12 at 11:20 AM
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I’mma just keep it to myself from now on.

I’m not one to give unsolicited advice.  I’m sure it’s weird to read that on a blog, but it’s true.  The exception is my sister.  I’ll give her advice all day long whether she wants to hear it or not because that’s a special privilege sisters have.  (If we don’t want to hear it, we just roll our eyes and tune it out.)

The reason I restrain myself from telling people what to do is because far too often you’re met with responses like, “Nah, that’s okay.  I don’t have to do that.”

I don’t give advice unless I know something about what I’m talking about, so I’m not talking out my ass, you know?  I’ve been there.  So, for someone who hasn’t been there to dismiss my sage advice based on some prognostication that everything is going to be peaches and roses - well, it annoys me.  I tell people things because I want to save them frustration.  I’m not some weak person who can’t cope unless people help me - I’ve always been fiercely independent.  So, if there’s something that I had EPIC FAIL on, you’d damn well better listen to what I say.

That’s all.

Posted by Tiffany on 10/11 at 11:48 AM
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My fault for asking.

Snarky Momma: “Rosco, what do you want to dress up as for Halloween?”

Rosco: *thinks* “Lightning McQueen!”

Snarky Momma: “uhh…that might be kind of hard.”

Rosco: “Hmm.  How about Sheriff?”

Posted by Tiffany on 10/10 at 03:28 PM
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Does your smile bite?

You’ve heard of 1-800-Dentist, right?  If you live in the US and watch television at all, you probably have.  Their company operates a service that matches people with pre-screened dentists.  If you go to their website (1800dentist.com, naturally) and enter your zip code, you can see a list of dentists affilated with the service, their office hours, and the special features their practices offers.  So, if they will beat you over the head with a Bam-Bam club to knock you out so you don’t remember your fillings, they’ll put that info there.

Yesterday, someone reached out to me and asked if I thought my readers would be interested in hearing about a contest 1-800-Dentist is running.  It’s called the “My Smile Bites!” contest and they’re giving away $30,000 worth of dental care to a lucky person with serious dental problems.  I thought, “Yeah, this is a great idea!”

I totally understand how people can let their mouths get like that.  If you’re uninsured or live in a community where there’s maybe one dentist in the entire county you might not go to the dentist until something is wrong.  Even then, you may bypass the dentist altogether and go straight to the emergency room.  I’ve got a mouth full of fillings due to the fact that my teeth are super-close together and probably because I didn’t drink a lot of milk as a kid (I’m lactose intolerant).  I can count on one hand the number of times I went to the dentist before the age of 18.  If you’re living on a fixed income (I lived with my grandma, remember?), dentist visits fall to the bottom of your list of things to do.  When I finally did get dental insurance, every six months I was getting work done.  That’s slowed down now, but that doesn’t stop me from mumbling about my dental visits.  (Maybe I should just lie and say, “Yes, I floss daily” and save myself the lectures.)

I’m fortunate now that my teeth are still sort of purty and they’re straight, even if I have enough amalgam in my mouth to get cellular reception.

Anyway.  $30,000 is a pretty substantial amount of money for dental work, so if you’ve been wanting to get some done and didn’t know how to swing it this might be a contest for you.  All you need to do is upload a video explaining how your smile needs to be fixed and how it’s affected you.  Starting November 10 people can cast votes for the story they feel is the most compelling.

Hey - if you enter, come back and let me know and I’ll vote for you myself.

Edited to Add: Although someone did reach out to me and ask if I could talk about the contest, this post is in no way endorsed by 1-800-Dentist, nor am I receiving any compensation for it.  Because I grew up in the boonies I’ve seen a LOT of rotten teeth, and I know there are people who need the dental work and can’t afford it.  This might really improve someone’s quality of life.  Now, back to the regularly-programmed Snark.

Posted by Tiffany on 10/09 at 10:37 AM
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This may be mean, but…

...after Rosco goes to bed, I throw away his stuff.

Not all his stuff, just the broken plastic stuff that he totes around all day.  I figured it’d be way too cruel to trash it while he’s awake and looking for it, so I just get rid of it at night.

I just threw out his art supply kit and I’m about to trash one of his little toy cars that he got from the dentist’s office (it’s missing its wheels).  Last night I threw away this red plastic salad bowl he uses to “cook” blocks in.  It had a huge dangerous crack in the bottom because he’s been turning it over and standing on it to reach light switches.  He asked me where it was today and I told him, matter-of-factly, “I threw it out because you stood on it.”

His response?  “Oh.”  Then he walked away.

Unlike some people (*cough cough*), we scorpios don’t feel the need to hoard things.

Posted by Tiffany on 10/08 at 08:37 PM
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It’s a circle.

Scott: “Can you make $40,000/year writing?”

Me: “Only if Rosco is in daycare.”

Scott: “But then you really wouldn’t be making $40,000 because you’re paying for daycare.”

Me: “Exactly.”  *types*

Posted by Tiffany on 10/08 at 11:08 AM
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