The Snarky Momma occasionally (okay, sometimes) reviews products on her review blog related to parenting, domestic goddess-try, and personal care. Her opinions are honest, based on her own experiences, and will be published even if she does not find the product satisfactory. She will always disclose how she got a product and whether she was compensated to talk about it. If you want to send her a product, contact her via email at tiffany [at] snarkymomma [dot] com.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
How to Make Yourself Cry (In Seven Easy Steps)
Step 1: Lurk on cruise planning forums and look at pictures. Determine that what you bought for dress-up night isn’t dressy enough (for your standards).
Step 2: Tell yourself that you’re not that big yet and that you can probably still get into some of your non-maternity dresses.
Step 3: Get your garment bag out of the closet, unzip it, and try to pull every dress in there up over your hips or down from the head.
Step 4: Brainstorm ways in which you can hide the zipper you can’t get up or how to offset the fact that the dress is now too short.
Step 5: Observe in the mirror that you look like one of those women who’s trying to dress like she’s not pregnant when she obviously is.
Step 6: Ponder how much it would cost for you to buy a new maternity dress (that you’ll only wear once).
Step 7: Put the dresses away and sigh with exasperation. Perhaps pack the stretchiest one that you can wear without looking like a harlot, but wear it only if you have a good bra.
Step 8: (Optional) Wonder if you have any friends who have a maternity cocktail dress in your size they’re dying to get rid of, but don’t bother to ask because that would make life too easy and that’s not how you roll.
Don’t panic. This is doable. Okay, the dress you’re holding - is that the one you bought or one that doesn’t fit? ‘Cause that would look great with just some chunky accessories to bring attention to your face and shoulders. Something sparkly or dramatic. Vintage and consignments stores are great - SteinMart, too. Are there any Asian malls in the area? Great for costume jewelry, evening bags, shawls. If you really do need a new dress, then try a consignment store in a better area of town - more smaller sizes and better quality. A little black dress (or a pretty bright color to bring a little color to your cheeks) in either maternity or non-maternity that fits little ol’ you should be pretty easy to find for cheap. Lastly, ASK around. Everyone loans their maternity stuff - it’s good karma.
Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 02/24 at 01:55 AM
***
By the way, I’m the accessory queen - if I were near you I’d TOTALLY loan you what you needed and “tart you up” right! Accessories make a plain outfit fantastic!
Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 02/24 at 01:58 AM
***
That one is the stretchy non-maternity one that I managed to get on yesterday that might not fit by Monday when I need to wear it.
I wish I had turned my computer on before I left the house this morning. I could have went thrifting in Chapel Hill where the $$$ lives while I was there.
How to Make Yourself Cry (In Seven Easy Steps)
Step 2: Tell yourself that you’re not that big yet and that you can probably still get into some of your non-maternity dresses.
Step 3: Get your garment bag out of the closet, unzip it, and try to pull every dress in there up over your hips or down from the head.
Step 4: Brainstorm ways in which you can hide the zipper you can’t get up or how to offset the fact that the dress is now too short.
Step 5: Observe in the mirror that you look like one of those women who’s trying to dress like she’s not pregnant when she obviously is.
Step 6: Ponder how much it would cost for you to buy a new maternity dress (that you’ll only wear once).
Step 7: Put the dresses away and sigh with exasperation. Perhaps pack the stretchiest one that you can wear without looking like a harlot, but wear it only if you have a good bra.
Step 8: (Optional) Wonder if you have any friends who have a maternity cocktail dress in your size they’re dying to get rid of, but don’t bother to ask because that would make life too easy and that’s not how you roll.
Posted by Tiffany on 02/23 at 05:14 PM
_______________________________________________________________You are snarky. I like it. Also? Just glue some jewels and sequins on whatever you bought. It’ll be cruisetastic.
Posted by Carolyn Online on 02/23 at 06:08 PM
***Don’t panic. This is doable. Okay, the dress you’re holding - is that the one you bought or one that doesn’t fit? ‘Cause that would look great with just some chunky accessories to bring attention to your face and shoulders. Something sparkly or dramatic. Vintage and consignments stores are great - SteinMart, too. Are there any Asian malls in the area? Great for costume jewelry, evening bags, shawls. If you really do need a new dress, then try a consignment store in a better area of town - more smaller sizes and better quality. A little black dress (or a pretty bright color to bring a little color to your cheeks) in either maternity or non-maternity that fits little ol’ you should be pretty easy to find for cheap. Lastly, ASK around. Everyone loans their maternity stuff - it’s good karma.
Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 02/24 at 01:55 AM
***By the way, I’m the accessory queen - if I were near you I’d TOTALLY loan you what you needed and “tart you up” right! Accessories make a plain outfit fantastic!
Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 02/24 at 01:58 AM
***That one is the stretchy non-maternity one that I managed to get on yesterday that might not fit by Monday when I need to wear it.
I wish I had turned my computer on before I left the house this morning. I could have went thrifting in Chapel Hill where the $$$ lives while I was there.
Posted by Tiffany on 02/24 at 11:01 AM
***